Creativity Heals My Starving Soul
mmxvi III, Miriam Aziz-van Keulen, mixed media on paper
I’ve had the dream again.
“I am to finish school. I am preparing for all subjects. Suddenly it dawns on me that I haven’t finished one single painting. I have to have at least twelve artworks ready. I have not even thought about painting. I have no plan, no ideas – I am to fail the exam. How can I have forgotten about art? How is it even possible I have neglected this until the very end? I panic. I fear I am too late. I will definitely fail the exam. How can I have been so stupid? What am I to do?”
I dream this dream in varieties whenever I feel off-track. Fortunately this doesn’t happen very often but recently I’ve felt utterly off-track and deeply unhappy. I didn’t know how to cheer myself up nor did I have any inspiration to even try – that’s how bad it was.
Having dreamt the dream again, I felt a spark of joy inside, and I knew exactly what to do. Today I changed my study into a studio by placing a proper drawing table where my meditation area used to be. Before I even had breakfast, I had made my first two drawings.
What a delight to play with colour and form again! I simply cannot understand why a person with a degree in art would give up drawing and painting, ever. But it is what I had done when I had started my full-time job in the corporate world last December, and without understanding why, I had felt more and more unhappy up to a point where I thought I might have to leave Australia.
I now realise that it’s the being-out-of-touch with my creativity that makes me feel sick. So here I am again – paper, pencils, pigments, canvases and brushes all at hand, and the intention to create something every day, in order to heal my starving soul. The road to recovery looks sunny and bright. I feel blessed with my subconscious, my guides and/or my higher self, to be presented with a soul-saving dream.
mmxvi II, Miriam Aziz-van Keulen, pastel on paper
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Wow! Amazing! So wonderful to have your guides with you and actually listening and following the burn inside to bring it back into your art! And THANK YOU, for sharing this with us. It was needed for me to hear as well, as I have been feeling the same as you…and have not been able to get out yet, and you reminded me to get back to my SELF, listen to me and my guides and finding my burn and light again. Namaste.
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Miriam, I never knew you had an art background! How wonderful that you are making time to fill up your creative well. It truly is possible to have an artful recovery! Happy healing to you. 😊
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